Prayers

#569 - There is a PFA Order Against Me
Volume 2 - Prayers to Love Our Neighbor

Dear Father, please forgive me. I'm so ashamed. What have I done? The man or woman I loved now has filed a protect-from-abuse order against me. What was I thinking? Was it the drugs and alcohol? Was it my spiritual and emotional immaturity? Was it deep personal insecurity and the feeling I am powerless in life? Was it because I learned this behavior in my childhood, watching abusers at work in my home? Was it that I think I am God and I desire others to submit to my authority? Father, I hurt the one I loved. I made them cry. I shed their blood. I broke their bones. I broke their spirit. This is what happens when people like me refuse to surrender to You. Father, when we surrender to you, we bear the fruits of the Holy Spirit such as love, joy, peace, gentleness, goodness, faith, hope, mercy, compassion, generosity, patience, and empathy. My behavior looked nothing like that. Father, I was wrong. I repent of this madness in my soul. I don't want to be like this anymore. I've tried to be my own god. I've doubted Your character. I've worshipped other gods. I ask for forgiveness in the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of God who died on the cross for my rebellion and my abusiveness. Fill me with the Holy Spirit. Change my heart, soul, and mind. I repent. May I be known as a gentle giant of faith and compassion. I understand my victim may never trust me again. I deserve that. It is understandable. I do ask that the people I get to know in the future will trust me because I am trustworthy. Father, please be abundantly merciful and compassionate to my victim. May he or she heal emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Show me how I can express my genuine regret in a way that does not threaten them at all. Give me the courage to be humble and contrite with my victim, even if I receive only their bitterness in return. It's alright. Amen.

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